Emus and Bookworms
by YoruLuvsU
Summary: Noah just finished Season 5 and is back at school. Only problem: The kids hate him for something he did with Cody, and he can't remember what. This should be interesting...
1. Noah Gets Confused

As soon as Noah Ishtar opened the front door to his high school, he knew something was terribly wrong. All the students milling around, freshmen and seniors alike, stopped whatever they were doing and looked at him with the same cold stare. Noah frowned. The entire student body of Jefferson High had always respected him, even after his disastrous first season on Total Drama. If not the most popular kid in school, he was always admired for his brains and flawless strategies. Now, he was receiving the type of glares generally saved for newbies or people on death row. Something wasn't right.

The cynic searched the glowering crowd for a friendly face. He found one in his somewhat friend Laura, who either didn't know or care that he had lost a chance to win a million dollars three times in a row, as well as a hundred thousand. He strolled over to her, seemingly uncaringly but taking note of the fact that most of the crowd was male and that ranks were closing behind him. Laura gave him a big but strained grin. "Noah! It's so good to see you again!" She pulled him into a hug, which was surprising considering how she knew he despised close contact, and whispered in his ear, "We need to talk. Now." She pulled Noah along at a quick rate to an vacant classroom.

"What are you gonna do now? You know what our school is like!" Noah blinked. Normally he could catch onto whatever a lesser intellect was trying to explain, in several different languages, but Laura was making no sense.

"I don't think I did anything, actually, apart from making the Final 3." The girl looked shocked. "So you really don't remember?" "I have an idea! Why don't you just tell me what I'm supposed to remember so I can say I have no idea what you're talking about." Laura blushed and leaned in.

"It involves Cody." She whispered. Noah gulped, his heart missing a few beats.

_Noah woke to the worst headache he'd ever experienced. He blinked a few times, hoping to clear his vision, but his surroundings were still blurry._

"_Hey, Noah, you OK?" A familiar voice filled his ears. Cody. Noah smiled involuntarily, but winced when pain racked through his body. No more smiling. The boy searched through his head, trying to remember the events that led up to his blackout. Nothing._

"_Uhhh...what happened?" Noah blinked again, and the gap-toothed figure swam into view. Cody looked uncomfortable. "Well, you kinda hit your head on the dock. You know, when you fell." Based on the fact that Noah avoided moving as much as possible, it made no sense for him to be on the dock. Heck, he wasn't even wearing a bathing suit._

"_Dude, we have to come to the cafeteria now. Our challenge is about to start." "Challenge? Oh, right, forgot about that." Cody gave the boy a strange look. "What?" "Never mind, I'll explain later."_

"I don't think I did anything to Cody that warranted my less than warm welcome. He's my friend, so I don't insult him too much."

"Wow, you really don't remember, do you? It's all over YouTube! Just look it up. Actually, no, I'll bring a recording for you tomorrow. But today is probably gonna be hell for you, so just try to avoid as many people as possible." Noah raised a brow, but nodded anyway. _What could be so bad that she has to show me?_

Walking out into the hallway, the boy was surprised to see no one around. He checked the nearest clock. It said 8:10. _Crap, I'm gonna be late if I don't hurry. _He started jogging towards his homeroom, but tripped over something and fell on his face. Looking, he saw a foot. He raised his head. It was one of the basketball players, giving him a look of pure hatred. "So, you decided to come back here after what you did." Noah felt like screaming. "And what, in fact, did I do?" he asked. The larger boy leered. "So you weren't lying after all, then? Have fun today, faggot." Saying so, the player walked away, leaving Noah more confused than ever. _What did he just call me?_

Leaving caution to the winds, Noah made a full-blown sprint to his homeroom. He dashed in several seconds before the bell rang. Making it to his seat, he sat and looked around at his classmates. Goth, Cheerleader, Nerd, another Nerd, Preppy Girl, Weird Gap-toothed Kid, Emo- wait, what? He double-taked. Nope, it wasn't his imagination. Cody was here, in his school, waving at him. He put his head down on the desk. _What the heck is going on here?_


	2. D&D Flashbacks

Finally, the homeroom bell rang and Noah, head spinning, walked quickly out of the classroom. He cursed himself for playing too many video games the night before, thinking he was probably having some strange hallucination.

"Hey, wait up!" Cody yelled, still struggling with his books. Noah rolled his eyes, figuring that if it was a hallucination he had better go a along with it, and backtracked to where Cody stood. "Where are you going next?"

"Physics with Ms. Anderson, you?" "Me too! That's the AP one, right?" "...No, Cody." The nerdling's face fell. "There's only one AP class here, so there really isn't anywhere else to go." "Oh."The smile instantly reappeared.

The late bell rang, causing Noah to mentally commit suicide. On the outside, though, he simply said, "We'd better hurry up." Cody didn't reply but quickened his pace. The two boys sprinted, well, the equivalent of two nerdlings sprinting, down the hall, accidentally knocking over a couple of freshman.

"Sorry!" called Cody.

"_So, why are we here again?" asked Heather._

"_Yeah, I'm not finished doing Beth's nails!" Lindsay asked indignently._

"_This is the site of our next challenge," Chris replied, "where we will be playing Tag!" The remaining eight campers groaned. _

"_Uh, that's for bratty elementary kids, not us!" Duncan started balling his fists, never a good sign._

"_Oh, the worst is yet to come. I will be picking one person to be It. The rest of the campers will have fifteen minutes to find a hiding place or to get as far from the campground as possible. The person who is It in three hours will be sent home. No marshmallow ceremony. No voting. Just a one-way trip to the Swing of Suckishness."_

_Noah whispered to Owen."Chris really IS running out of ideas." Owen sniggered._

"_Izzy, you're It!" Izzy cheered, while the other seven campers looked horrified. "On your marks...get set... IZZY, NO!" The insane girl had put the water gun Chef had given her in an unmentionable place._

"_What have I done...GO!" Chris pulled out a handgun and shot in the sky, hitting a falcon, which crashed to the ground, stunned. "Oops."_

_Lindsay and Beth immediately started to run around in circles, screaming. Beth got to her senses and dragged the other girl into the bushes. Heather walked to the other side of the campground, probably to hide. Duncan grinned and pulled out a switchblade, then ran into the forest on the left. Owen pulled Noah along at an astonishing rate to the cliff, where they hid in a nearby cave._

"_My crazy ex will never find us here! I'm so awesome! WHOOOHOO!" Owen collapsed, exhausted, onto his back, which caused a muffled whimper from the huge backpack he was carrying. _

"_Uhhhhh...what was that?" Noah's eyes widened._

"_Oh sorry, Cody! I forgot you were in there."_

_Owen took off his pack and unzipped it, letting a very bruised Cody crawl out and prop himself against the nearest cave wall. "You okay, dude?"_

_Cody smiled stiffly. "Owww...never been better."_

"_So, why were you in Owen's backpack again? Enjoying the view?" Noah looked unamused._

"_Sorry for scaring you, but Sierra's been hanging around the island since she was voted off. I think she put a tracker on me because she keeps finding me everywhere!" Noah nodded. _

_After World Tour, when Sierra set up a tent outside Cody's room and put pictures taken of him sleeping on all her blogs, his parents decided that enough was enough. They filed a restraining order on her that she wasn't allowed within a mile of their property. After being separated from Cody for so long, Sierra resorted to her stalkerish ways, leaving Cody afraid of being raped in his sleep. Most of the campers thought this was hilarious, but Noah felt bad for the small geek._

"_You can hide here with us, but if Izzy does find us, you're on your own, honey." Noah slapped his forehead. He really should stop calling people that. It kept creating rumors that he was capital G-A-Y. His school wasn't very kind to that type of thing, and several kids had dropped out from the endless harassment._

"_Sure. Hey, Noah, did you ever finish that game you snuck into camp? D&D Video Battle? I've never seen a warlock reach that high a level before."_

"_Nah, I got bored and started playing Dwarf Fortress."_

"_Really? I got addicted to that game. I played it for 48 straight hours once."_

"_Hah, you're such a newb."_

"_Am not!"_

"_Are too."_

_..._

"_...So then I mixed the two spells together, which totally wiped out the guy's XP."_

"_Ha, I should try that sometime." Noah looked up. "Hey, did you hear something?" Cody stopped talking and listened. A distant howl sounded. "Crap, it's Izzy. Clear out!"_

_The two boys ran for their lives. A few minutes later, Izzy came sprinting on all fours into the cave, where Owen lay snoozing, bored to death by the two smaller boys. "Haha, fresh meat!"_

Remembering that challenge, Noah grinned. Owen had crawled into camp around six with scars and bruises, as well as what looked like a badger skin stapled to his back. Luckily, Izzy had already tagged Heather, who was the one to get kicked off.

Finally reaching the classroom, he peered inside. Most of the class was already inside, but Ms. Anderson was nowhere to be found. _Finally a break_, he thought. The boys stopped, with Cody sniggering as Noah tried to smooth his hair in much the same way as a flushed girl, and walked casually to the back of the class. Many of the other students watched them, some giggling, some watching stonily. The basketball player from earlier was there, and gave Noah a rather threatening smile.

After about a minute of waiting, an adult finally entered the classroom. This definitely wasn't the short female Noah knew, but another familiar figure that he despised so very much.

"Chris?" Cody gasped.

**Hey, YoruLuvsU here. Look, I actually updated something! I'm so proud of myself. Anyway, this is much more fun than I thought it would be. However, I'm not much of a gamer, so I need some help. (Spoiler alert)**

**I'm thinking of the two lovey-doveys join a game competition, but what type of game? What characters? Hmmm... If you could leave some ideas in the comments or PM me that ould be awesome.**

**I hope you like this! FYI I'm kinda laden down with homework at the present, so I may not update as often as I'd like. I will though! I swear! **

**See ya later, gators.**


	3. Enter the Emu

"**Chris?" Cody gasped.**

"Yup! Handsome as ever!" Through his confusion Noah had to snort. More like narcisstic as ever. But why would he be here when he could be berating his hairstylists? There were too many questions today Noah had no answer to.

"So why are you here?"

"For the spin-off, of course!" Noah and Cody both blanched. Spin-off?

"Uh, why a spin-off? And why us? Where are the rest of the campers?" Cody sounded shocked and a little irritated, reflecting Noah's thoughts. This was surprising as the nerdling was pretty cool about this kind of thing. Noah filed it as _Abnormal Part of Today #43._

"Well, we did try to get spin-offs with some other campers with a bigger fan-base, but Courtney and Gwen took us to court and Heather used Mace on our cameraman. Plus I heard about Noah's little...heh-heh...memory issue."_ I knew that would come up again_, thought Noah. _Laura had better remember to bring that video._

"So, we'll keep out of your way as much as possible, but we'll install hidden cameras around the place to watch you. And yes, we got permission with the principal beforehand, so you can't legally sue us!" Chris's grin turned a little more sadistic than usual. "See you around. Oh, and have fun with dealing with your classmates." He whistled, and two interns, one completely skeletonized, picked him up and carried him out on their shoulders.

Cody sighed. "Why can't he ever just leave us alone?"

"Probably would lose ratings."

"Torturing Heather would probably get more ratings than this."

"Yeah, who would want to watch a show about two nerdy guys?" Little did they know that several dimensions away, a lone teenager was cackling madly and typing away, stopping only once to pet her Fluttershy doll.

They stopped talking once they remembered their fellow students, who were looking at them with a varied display of emotions. Ms. Anderson, clutching a roll of money and her trusty laptop, finally entered the classroom, and everyone faced the front of the room.

Four periods later, Noah sighed and packed away his latest batch of homework. If this kept going he wouldn't have time to join his raiding party. He sneaked off to the library, to see if his friends had actually showed up. He didn't have to worry. Harry, Jesse, and Damien were all waiting for him. They all had slightly guilty look on their faces.

"Hey, what's up? Did I miss anything during break?" Noah asked.

"Not much, man. We all got shipped off to summer camps." Damien answered. He shifted slightly, and Noah gave up on his fake calm.

"OK, let's cut the crap. What did I do that's causing all this to happen?" Noah was too annoyed to even manage his laid-back, cynical tone.

"Well, you see..." Jesse sounded apologetic. "...Chris just visited us."

_Damn that coiffed host._ "So what did he want?"

"He said he'd give us all partial scholarships if we kept your k- uh, what you forgot, a secret from you." Noah couldn't really blame him. That for keeping a secret? He probably would have done it too. Still, he was steamed.

"Alright, that is IT! I'm finding someone who will tell me what the hell is going on!" A faint blush appearing on his dark cheeks out of irritation, the bookworm turned to leave.

"Wait!" Harry stood up, carrying a bag that usually contained birthday presents, and walked over. Pulling what looked like a stuffed animal and a note out of it, he said "Chris also wanted us to give this to you. He said it was from Cody."

Wondering what emotional turmoil this would cause him next, Noah took the animal. It was a brown emu, missing one eye and with a big cheesy smile on its face.

_Sierra talking to him.__ "__Did you know that Cody slept with a stuffed Emu named Jerry until he was... well, okay, he still does." Cody searching his bunk frantically. "Where's Jerry! I can't find him anywhere!" Noah searching outside for hours to find it, finding it in Sierra's trunk. Cody leaving to the Swing of Suckishness, clutching Jerry._

Noah was surprised. _Why would he give me this? It's the most important thing in the world to him, apart from his parents._ He unfurled the note.

**Noah,**

**I'm trying to stop having to rely on Jerry, so I need to give him to someone I trust can keep him safe. Plus I think I saw Sierra outside my window again, so I'm hiding everything I can. Can you please take him home? He might help you like he did me...you never know.**

**Love, Cody**


	4. Just Call Me Noah Drew

**Noah,**

**I'm trying to stop having to rely on Jerry, so I need to give him to someone I trust can keep him safe. Plus I think I saw Sierra outside my window again, so I'm hiding everything I can. Can you please take him home? He might help you like he did me...you never know.**

**Love, Cody**

The bookworm sighed. What was this, a mystery novel? Well, the only way to solve the mystery was to find and question the suspects. In other words, track down McLean and threaten him with a lawsuit concerning the time he switched his parachute with guard dogs. Lawsuits were the only way to get anything at all from the sadistic host.

He grabbed the emu and his letter and jogged from the library, leaving the three boys startled. Noah running? Must be serious.

_Now, where would an egoistic host be if he wanted to stalk a couple of nerds? _Noah thought. _I'll start with the basement. Last season he hid in the haunted house's basement to watch the Final Three. Chris isn't the brightest light in the Christmas Tree, so he might try it again._

Stopping in front of the elevator reserved for teachers only, Noah took the spare key he had coerced out of the janitor and inserted it into the lock. He pressed the down button and waited, checking his watch for the time. Only twenty minutes of lunch left. He had better make this fast.

The elevator doors opened, and Noah stepped in. The only other person in it was a tall and hooded girl. _Curious, but not a teacher._ He ignored her and pressed the B button. The other button lit up was for the first floor. The lift jolted downwards and reached the first floor. When the doors opened, the girl walked out, stepping on Noah's foot in the process.

He cursed. "Hey, what's your problem? Got dumped for your bad attitude?"

The girl turned for a second, and a flash of violet hair was seen. She didn't speak, but gave an answer in the form of a single finger. Noah sighed. _Girls, never liked them anyways._ The doors closed, and the elevator continued its descent downwards.

The basement stinked of dust and mildew. Noah covered his nose with one hand. Luckily, he didn't seem to be allergic. He checked the two doors. One opened to show a single janitors closet, obviously not used in several centuries. The other was locked, and Noah pressed his head against the door to check for any sign of life. Not a sound.

Pulling a chain of keys he had "borrowed" from the vice principal, Noah tried each one in succession. The fifth, an old key that looked like it came from Gringotts, worked, and the door swung open. Noah grinned, and the small light in the cellar showed it was...

...a wine cellar?

Noah facepalmed. He knew about the janitors issues with alcohol, but this was ridiculous. He checked the time again, and cursed. Five minutes until class started! He jogged, much more slowly, towards the elevator. _Oh well, I'll interrogate Cody after school. _

As soon as the elevator started its ascent, a strange thing happened. The racks of beer started to move up towards the ceiling, revealing a very relieved Chris and Chef, surrounded by screens showing feeds across the school.

"I didn't think that boy was gonna fall for it..." Chef muttered.

"Me neither. I guess he was too worried about missing class to check properly." Chris smoothed his hair, which had become messed up after Chef had unceremoniously shoved him under the desk. "Ah well." He turned to the camera in front of them. "Well viewers of the greatest spin-off ever to hit your screen, what will happen next? Will Cody ever explain to Noah what he's doing at his school? Where is Laura and her tape which will 'explain all?' And who was that girl in the elevator? These questions _might_ be answered in the next episode of...

_Total..._

_Drama..._

_YAOI_!" He promptly gets slapped by Chef. "Sorry...

_Nerdling Edition_!"

Chef shrugged. "You spent about three seconds on the title, didn't you?"

"Hey, I like it! It has a certain ring to it!"

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does!"

**Hiya again! Sorry for the wait...and the short chapter...and no Cody... Well, I do have a little thing called school that makes me a little crazy. Ah well...Please R&R and PM me any ideas you want. Hey, I might actually use them. You never know...**

**Have an exceedingly joyous day! Or night.  
**


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